im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
honey bunches of taint.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
