did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
