you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
