I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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