Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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