Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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