Where is the hickey?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize