I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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