I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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