is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
