After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
