The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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