I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
