If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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