Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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