I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
