If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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