i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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