goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm at about main and main street
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
