so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
