I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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