there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
