just tell him i said nine months
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
