what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
