I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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