You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
smell my finger.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
