What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
