I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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