I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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