I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
