his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
