i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
