I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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