I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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