Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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