If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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