At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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