I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
