dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
