I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize