You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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