mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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