he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
