How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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