shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
