no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
