I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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