I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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