This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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