So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
