ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
