the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
