i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
