The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
