Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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