ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize