Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
