omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
