Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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