i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
do nipples grow back?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
