I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My balls are so social today.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
