he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
