YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
