You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
