I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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