How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
