our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
